He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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