I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
