burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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