I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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