He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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