You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She's the barista slut.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
