My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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