i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
