My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
