Buhtt sex?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
