Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
