You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize