another moral hangover. fuck.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So many bounce houses so little time
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
