o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize
