How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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