Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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