You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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