I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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