do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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