I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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