The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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