No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
