watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
