I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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