If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
