Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
