So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
