Your face is a jimmy john
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
and you fell through a lawn chair
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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