So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
