Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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