It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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