At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
