we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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