I just made out with a guy for $7.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
