I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
