Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
