First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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