A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
