whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize