I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
