Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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