Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
