3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We are two peas in an std pod
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
