I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
