If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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