Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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