i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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