Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
