Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
