I accidentally had phone sex last night
Where is the hickey?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
