i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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