I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
