I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
