First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
