kristin has been a bad kristin
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
