You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
