my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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