Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
