so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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