I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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