my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize