Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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